The Adventure Continues (Part 2)

I hopped out of bed with only one agenda that day. I had to keep writing. With no outline, no map, just a vision that sparked every sentence, I pressed forward.

Days turned into weeks as chapters formed, but I felt fragile… like I was made of glass. The rocks of life could easily shatter me, and I had yet to overcome some of my anxieties. I still struggled with speaking to people.

I eventually graduated college (glad that’s over!), married the beautiful Ashley Hickerson (no regrets!), and moved into our first house. Through it all, I kept writing and battling anxiety.

My passion for LOTK stayed steady as the seasons changed. I can do this! One more page! One more chapter! But as the story progressed, doubt slowly began to settle over me.

It started with a single thought. Why am I doing this? I ignored the question until others followed. Is all this work really necessary? Rational thoughts eventually joined doubt in their assault against LOTK. I got my healing. Sure, I still had anxiety, but at least I wasn’t depressed. And maybe that was good enough.

I stopped writing when the rough draft was nearly complete, and I immersed myself in all things fun. Late nights at the movies with friends. Shopping at the mall with Ashley. I indulged myself beyond the capacity to contain it, and for a moment, LOTK became a distant memory.

I wasn’t necessarily “sinning,” but Christ was in the passenger seat instead of driving. Entertainment had its hand on the wheel. I was having fun between bouts of anxiety and unknowingly developing “idols” to soothe it.

Games, comic books, and collectibles became my source of joy. I would lose myself for hours and reemerge invigorated with the false sense that something great had been accomplished. All seemed well—until life hit me with a small rock between the eyes, and I began to crack.

“Minimize mistakes to maximize results. “

Paul A. Candelaria